I Want You To Know Daniel

Gosh, it’s always so sad when this happens to people.

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Daniel lived next door to me. He was 16 years old and a junior at the local high school. He was a teenager filled with ideas, dreams, aspirations and adolescent insecurities. Daniel was also shy, sensitive and caring. He loved the out – of- doors and nature. To his neighbors, he was a very special young man.

David, the neighbor on the other side of our house, had cancer which was slowly spreading. In 1999 I was on vacation in the Caribbean when I was struck by a wave which left me a quadriplegic. Daniel was only a year old when that happened. As I struggled over the years to regain my quality of life, Daniel and I became closer and closer. He began to play an important role in David’s and my lives. As Daniel grew stronger, he began doing more and more for us. The doctors were unable…

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So Desolation is done. That is to say, it is completely written. I still have to go through it a couple more times and make sure everything flows properly and the like, then it is off to critique land and then solicitation (YAY).

Today I tried to continue working on Whispers of a Distant Star, but I am not sure what is wrong with it. I think my mind wasn’t with it, but I am not sure. See Desolation nearly wrote itself, and I think it is because the main character was a guy, and whatever romance was in the book was M/M which I can relate to. Whispers is a straight relationship, so maybe that is causing me some tension there. This weekend I will do some soul searching to decide how to continue. It could also be that I just don’t have enough material for the novel. I have only plotted out 19 chapters, and I am already at chapter 8 with 10k words. Maybe I just need more storyline.

The issue I have with making the novel another M/M one is I think it will cut down the audience considerably, and I want this something that EVERYONE will give a chance, and I am just unsure how many people would read a Sci-Fi with M/M romance mixed in. Hmmmm, decisions. I guess I just need to make up my own mind and write what is in my heart.

This Just In

Police are combing an Ontario river on Friday after a severed head and foot were found in and near the waterway this week.

“We have a foot and a head at this point. We’ll be looking for the entire victim,” acting Inspector Randy Cowan of the Peel Regional Police told reporters Thursday in a news conference near the Credit River in Mississauga.

Cowan said the head was that of a woman and the foot had painted toenails, leading authorities to suspect it was also from a woman. However, tests would be needed to conclude they were from the same victim, he said. The foot was found Wednesday and the head on Thursday.

“Common sense tells us this is most likely related,” he said.

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Why do I have to be strong? Can’t I be weak? Can’t I be human for one fucking moment? Why can’t I cry without feeling like I am letting myself down? Don’t I get to feel what I am feeling without having to constantly worry what every fucking person is going to think about it?

Why do I have to show you a face I am not even sure I have? Hiding behind a mask for the sake of peace, sewing my mouth shut so that I am more likable. Choking on my inner truths so I am more appealing.

Why do I have to try so hard to be something I am not? Why do I have to put myself on the back burner so everyone else is happy. When do I matter? Is there such a thing as unconditional anymore?

Do we ever grow up? Do we ever grow past this? Is there ever a point in our lives when we are above the hurt and the grief of loss?

New Faces to an Old Menace

It is good to know that some photo’s still survive of what a vampire used to mean. Even when they started appearing beautifully, like in Anne Rice’s novels, you still knew what lurked underneath. This:

Now lets see how they romanticize zombies . . . never mind, after a cursory google search, zombie romance pictures are just as disturbing as you would expect them to be . . . for now.

Wherein Horror Lies

For weeks now I have been wondering why nothing I read or watch on TV scares me. Don’t get this confused with me saying nothing scares me because things do. I get scared by things that actually happen to me and random bumps in the night. The idea of zombies scares me, and even watching Walking Dead scares me, but little else scares me.

I have been wondering for a while now why I don’t get more frightened, or why I would consider some horror movies and books more paranormal than horror. With this question I really started a quest into what constitutes horror and what doesn’t. I have gotten a few ideas as to what is horror and what it isn’t, so then I started looking at how I view each element that comprises horror.

I think it has to do with detachment. When I was younger I could totally delve into a book to the point that I felt the things author’s were describing happening to their characters. I could feel every swell of magic, every tide of emotion. As I get older I find less and less that a book can really strike those chords any longer. I am unsure if it is the writing or if it is my mind, but I don’t really get into books like I used to, despite my love of books.

Then last night I was re-watching True Blood and as Lorena and Bill made out on a blood soaked bed, blood pumping from the gaping hole in a womans neck beside them, it came to me. I have been desensitized to horror from the games I have played and the movies I have watched. Over time it went from “Dear lord, someone help that woman!” to “Yeah, more vampire sex and more blood. . . .” to the point that I don’t consider those images horrifying any longer.

So what scares me? Not gore, that is for sure. I think what scares me the most, and what I consider horror is the psychological. Frailty scared the wits out of me because it showed mental illness, or righteousness, you didn’t know. You couldn’t tell if the main character was really screwed up, or if he was doing the work of a higher power, riding the world of darkness.

The Devil’s Advocate scared me as well, because we saw what would happen to the main character if he chose one thing, but then at the end he chose the other. Then we realized, no matter what he chose, he was still going to go through everything we had seen before. It was inescapable.

Following the inescapable, zombies terrify me because of this very thing. No matter where you go, they are there. You can’t get away from them, because as soon as you think you do, they will come chewing through the door of your cabin in the middle of the woods because they smell you or whatever.

People like being scared, but I don’t think there are many people now that can scare us because we have gotten to a point where we are harder to scare. Why is that? Is it because of science explaining away so many myths and legends we have long thought had supernatural origins? Is it because everything we are forced to see on the news and other media venues have shown us that we are living with real life monsters? I am not sure, but I would love to hear your thoughts and ideas on the topic.

Random Update

This is just a check in because I haven’t been posting much here lately. With my real life job and writing and studies, things have been pretty hectic. However, I am still able to find a lot of time to peruse gagism.com, go figure that when I have the least time I do the most screwing off.

It turns out bath salts were NOT the cause of the zombie face eating in Miami. All that was found in the man’s system was pot. This is very strange indeed, I have never known pot to do something like that, but who knows, I have never known much about pot.

The search for actual necromancy stuff has fallen short, so I have started making up my own stuff, which I think falls in place well. However, the little bit I was able to research makes me really wonder about Lord Voldemort, JK never actually came out and said it, but I do think he was a necromancer.

Desolation is coming along great, but sometimes I feel it is pouring out of me too easily, like I am missing something. I think this means it isn’t fully ready yet, but I am going with it, if I still feel that way with the second draft, I will just plug on and whatever was “missing” will come up in later books.

The Bonds of Blood rewrite has taken backburner to Desolation, as well as Whispers of a Distant Star, but as soon as this demon is out on paper, I promise to return to those.

I have been focusing a lot on promotion research as well, and if you have a goodreads account, why don’t you look me up, because as my books get closer to release, I will start making sample available there. I am going to try the conventional publishing route, but if that doesn’t work out relatively fast (because I am impatient) I will self-publish my work, so stay tuned for information on free giveaway promotions.

That’s it for now, back to the grind. Hope this finds everyone well and have an amazing weekend!